Back to the Barnyard

Ok, let me start off by saying the kids enjoyed this. But it lost at least one star because the artists and animators didn't care to do any research on what cows really look like. I know it's a cartoon, and animals don't talk either, but male cows - bulls - DON'T HAVE UDDERS!

It drives me up a wall when I see this movie, or the spin off series. This big, manly bull with udders. Like he's some sort of cross-dressing bovine, or a transbullvite. It's so udderly - I'm sorry - UTTERLY wrong that it ruins the whole thing for me.

My kids think I'm crazy to get so worked up, as does my wife. So if you don't care about whether or not the animals are drawn right, then add a star to the review. Otherwise, avoid the cringe.

1.5 out of 5 stars

Plot Summary:
When the farmer's back is turned, the animals party down in Barnyard. A young cow named Otis (voiced by Kevin James, The King of Queens) loves to have fun at the farm's wild late-night hoe-downs, despite the disapproval of his father, Ben (Sam Elliott, Thank You for Smoking). When Ben dies defending the barnyard from marauding coyotes, Otis is chosen as the new leader--but responsibility sits uneasily on Otis' head and he fears he may not be able to protect his friends from the coyotes.

Smokin' Weeds

Showtime really makes some good shows.  Weeds is another one of those.  That combination of drama and comedy that just seems to work so well when done right (when done wrong, you get the Dukes of Hazard). A good watch, all the way.

3.9 out of 5 stars

Plot Summary:
Upper-class suburbanite Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise Parker, in an Emmy-nominated role) takes her creativity to, er, new heights in this Showtime dramedy about a single mom who becomes a drug dealer to make ends meet.

Dexter

Again, another serial killer themed work.  When done properly, it can be a very engrossing topic. 

Dexter, although not terribly realistic in many cases, is still very entertaining.  It's nice to think someone could channel such a horrible drive into something so...productive.  As long as you can suspend disbelief on the whole anti-hero thing (as if someone that fracked up wouldn't self-destruct in a cloud of blood and bullets one day), it's well worth the time.  Keep in mind it's a series, so it may take a while to see it all.

4 out of 5 stars

Plot Summary:
Playing a sympathetic serial killer might sound like a stretch, but former "Six Feet Under" star Michael C. Hall pulls it off in this macabre drama about a likable forensics expert who channels his violent tendencies into knocking off miscreants. Dexter Morgan (Hall) seems so harmless, in fact, that neither his girlfriend (Julie Benz) nor his cop sister (Jennifer Carpenter) suspect the true nature of his extracurricular activities.

The Horsemen

I'm a sucker for serial killer movies, so I was probably more forgiving of this movie than I should have been. At times it seems to forget where it was going, it has a few too many cliches, and there was one scene of mystery-technology, but overall it was worth watching. I wouldn't add it to my personal collection, but it was an interesting ride and worth an evening's viewing.

3 of 5 stars

Plot Summary:
Already reeling from the shocking death of his wife, detective Aidan Breslin (Dennis Quaid) is destined for even darker days when he's tasked with investigating a series of grisly serial murders inspired by biblical prophecy. This chilling psychological thriller from director Jonas Åkerlund also stars Ziyi Zhang, Clifton Collins Jr., Peter Stormare, Patrick Fugit, Lou Taylor Pucci and Eric Balfour.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

If you're a fan of Indiana Jones, there's probably no way I can keep you from seeing this movie. But for your own sake, I'm going to try. It's too late for me. Some things can't be unseen, no matter how much gasoline I pour in my eyes.

This movie would only be a little lousy if it wasn't the last dying breath of such a great franchise, and if so many creative minds hadn't gone sour in making it. But with Harrison Ford, George Lucas, and Steven Spielberg working together, well, you just expected more. I guess when you're that high, you have farther to fall.

Whether it was a good idea to show an aging hero is neither here nor there. Probably not the greatest idea, but it isn't what killed this movie. What truly did it in was that it was just plain stupid.

The traditional Nazi bad guys put on different uniforms and became commie bad guys. The villains were two dimensional, and the plot twists were duds. But still I wanted to believe; wanted to enjoy the movie.

Then came Indiana surviving a nuclear blast inside a refrigerator. WTF? Sure, in the past he'd had some pretty amazing escapes, but they were comic book saves; believable even though we were pretty sure it wouldn't have worked out that way for real. But we were able to smile and accept it. But when you're forced to accept something that insults your intelligence on so many levels (like, even if the radiation of the blast was blocked by the lead fridge, wouldn't Indie have been mushed by the icebox being blown out of the house, through the sky, out of the radiation range, and into the ground?), it pulls you right out of the suspension of disbelief, and makes you painfully aware someone didn't do their job. You Are Not Amused.

This could have been so much more than it was. Then again, it could have been so much less, as well.

2 out of 5 stars

Plot Summary:
Nearly 20 years after last donning his famous fedora to save the world from imminent peril, Hollywood icon Harrison Ford returns to one of his best-known roles -- that of snake-wary archaeologist Indiana Jones. This long-awaited fourth installment in the legendary adventure saga also stars Shia LaBeouf as Jones's headstrong young sidekick and Cate Blanchett as a treacherous Russian agent who is hell-bent on protecting mysterious artifacts.

The IT Crowd

This is a great series. I can't wait until Hollywood makes a US version and completely fracks the thing up beyond recognition.

It's especially funny for anyone, like myself, who's spent time working in IT (Information Technology). It's both cerebral and slapstick, so it works on all levels. The only problem anyone might have is that, being a British show, it has a few cultural references that might leave you wondering. That, and it looks like it was shot on your uncle's video camera. But the characters are endearing and the humor spot on (I especially like the episode in season 2 where the two main geeks convince their boss that they have borrowed a box that contains "the Internet" and if she drops it, modern civilization will grind to a halt).

4 out of 5 stars

Plot Summary:
Enter the glamorous offices of Reynholm Industries, then take the elevator to the basement, where you'll find the decidedly unglamorous IT support team: slacker Roy (Chris O'Dowd), social misfit Moss (Richard Ayoade) and technically ignorant supervisor Jen (Katherine Parkinson). Together, they find nerd-tastic adventures in this hilarious British sitcom from the producer of "The Office." The program won a 2008 International Emmy for Best Comedy.

Altered

Altered is a different take on the old alien abduction movie.  A group of good ol' boys were taken by aliens, went through hell, then returned to earth.  The film takes place several years after that, as they deal with the aftermath of what has happened to them, and their need for revenge against the aliens.

This movie was a decent watch, although it was a little unclear why the aliens kept hanging around.  It has a few truly disgusting scenes (you'll be put off sausage for a while), so it isn't family friendly by a long shot.  But it turns into something both spooky and well acted.

3 stars out of 5

Plot Summary:
Eduardo Sanchez (co-creator of The Blair Witch Project) helms another chilling horror film. Five high school buddies are abducted by aliens from a farm in Florida -- but only four of them survive. Fifteen years later, the friends -- whose lives have been altered ever since -- return to the farm to face their enemy and seek revenge.

The Man from Earth

This strange, low budget film turned out to be quite moving. It tends to be a little cerebral, so if you don't like movies of people sitting around and talking, then go elsewhere. But if you're looking for a good story, this will fit your bill.

4 out of 5 stars.

Plot Summary:

Renowned sci-fi writer Jerome Bixby penned the script for this thought-provoking film starring David Lee Smith as John Oldman, a college professor who reveals to his colleagues that he's actually a centuries-old caveman. And so begins a captivating philosophical meditation on immortality, the last work from screenwriter Bixby, who earned career accolades for his contributions to such genre-defining shows as "Star Trek" and "The Twilight Zone."

The Gamers: Dorkness Rising

Proof that a low budget, indie film can still be funny. Not only did I LOL, but I ROFL a few times. But be warned, if you aren't a gamer or know closely someone who is, you'd probably enjoy an IRS training film more.

As a long-time gamer, both computer and paper-and-pencil, I could relate to this one. Dungeons and Dragons and GURPS meet The Guild.

I give it 4 stars out of 5

Plot Summary:
When a group of fantasy role-playing friends can't get their characters into any action beyond seducing tavern wenches and tormenting villagers, the dungeon master introduces a girl who also plays a sexy character in their game. Now the adventurers must pull it together, both at the table and inside the game, to defeat the necromancer Mort Kemnon and save their beloved gaming group. Matt Vancil directs this entertaining parody.

Shallow Ground

Pretty Insipid. There was almost no internal logic to this film, almost as if they were working without a script. Definitely without sleep. I've seen better movies when the power was out.

1 out of 5 stars.

Quantum of Solace

There's a theory among Bond-buffs and Internet muses that James Bond isn't a single person, but a code name. When one 007 leaves, another agent gets the title and job. Which would certainly explain the different personalities of the different men who were Bond. Sean Connery would never have dressed like a clown, which Roger Moore did. One bond had an emotional breakdown after his wife was killed. And it would certainly explain why the newest Bond would need to spend so much time earning M's trust.

That said, this brand of Bond with Daniel Craig is much more enjoyable than some past Bonds. Less campy and more gritty. If you like Bond films and not just one type of Bond film, you should like this. If you're a Roger Moore fan, this won't be a Bond to your liking.

The cinematography is much more interesting in this installment, although some scenes have so much going on in them it's hard to keep up. But I think that's what the director was going for; and attempt to share the hectic sweat of some of the predicaments Bond gets into, and less certain that he'll escape in one peace.

3.5 out of 5 stars

Batman and Robin and the Near Death of a Franchise

I love Batman. What's not to love? He's rich, deeply disturbed, and violent. I like George Clooney, too. Yet this one movie almost single-handedly killed the entire franchise (it did manage to put it in a coma until Batman Begins was released).

Where to start on what was wrong? Who has that kind of time? Too many villains, too many egos, too many heroes, a story that was so insipid as to make comic fans think it unrealistic, and those damn nipples on Batman's costume. I mean really, who thought it was a good idea to put nipples on the Dark Knight's costume? I can take Adam West's Batman more seriously, and he did the frackin' Batdance!

This movie should have been taped only on betamax; that way no one left could watch the thing. It's like a real version of The Ring, except instead of dying everyone who watches it loses 20 IQ points.

I give it a 1 out of 5 stars.

13 Ghosts - or Mr. Monk Goes to Hell

Normally I don't like remakes. But this one was cool. Don't go expecting too much storyline here, as it's still a spook-slasher, but I found it very entertaining. A bit of a departure for Shalhoub, who's now best known as Monk. But for an actor of his skill, it was probably something he could phone in.

The entertainment value of the movie rests heavily on the directing and cinematography. It's a hectic and disjointed style that shows you just enough to get scared (and sometimes a wee bit more), but not enough for you to adapt.

This movie isn't for everyone, and it's definitely a limited genre, but if you like bloody ghost flicks, then give this one a look.

I give it 3.9 our of 5 stars.

Dead Like Me

I discovered this series completely by accident.  There was a free online video of the pilot episode, so I gave it a watch.  After all, the incarnation of Death has always been cool.

I loved it.  The premise was a humorous take on the whole personification of death, but they managed to get some good stories and emotions going.  The short of it is that some souls, for whatever reason, don't move one.  Instead they get recruited to assist in the whole dying process, by manually retrieving souls before the actual body dies, thereby saving the bodies a bunch of discomfort.  The series focus on the group that handles accidental deaths (including murder) and the problems a bunch of lost souls encounter trying to do their jobs without a help manual.

I give it 4 out of 5 stars.

The Brave One

Ok, I must admit, I only watched this one because Jodie Foster is cool. Reading the box sort of gave me the impression it would be a retooling of Death Wish. And what can you do with that concept that Charles Bronson hasn't already done.

Well, turns out I was only partially right. It's definitely a vigilante movie, and the theme was pretty close, but I ended up enjoying it more than Death Wish. Foster puts in the human element that is often missing in the genre, showing a troubled, tormented woman driven to do what she does by a pain she can't control. It's more than just an excuse to shoot people, although most of the people who get shot are fairly one-dimensional baddies. But the point of the movie is not to focus on them, but on how the violence impacts the main character.

I give this one 4 out of 5 stars.